Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
