yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
