i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize