Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
