he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize