she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
