Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Two words: nipple clamps
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