I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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