I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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