You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
