we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
