I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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