I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
