Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
