Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
