I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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