He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
