Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
