So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
