this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
A+ Viking dick
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
