He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm jealous of your bromance
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
