Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
