I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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