Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
