If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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