and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
