after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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