i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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