Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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