Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
