Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize