Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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