3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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