I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize