Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
