My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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