i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
