I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize