i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
