I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
