i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize