Four minutes until I can fart!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
