Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
