grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
