So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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