I'm really into asian looking animals
i barfeds in our rink
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
