Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
