I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
how drunk are you?
Several
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
