I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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