I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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