Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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