he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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