his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm bleeding and have questions
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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