Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Girls should come with a carfax report
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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