So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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