People in love make me want to vomit
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
