seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize