he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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