you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
