I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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