I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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