I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
