am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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