he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
