I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
