If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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