Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
